The Dark Side

I stand in the rain, hoping it will absolve me the sins I committed. Each drop hits me like a knife stabbing my heart. The tomb of Sara is right in front of me; I searched a lot in the graveyard to find this one. I never attended her funeral. I had to go away after I killed her. Everyone was looking for me.
They say you should never go to a graveyard in the night. I never understood that. It’s not the dead but the living that you should be afraid of. I feel the shadows are getting longer. If I stay any longer they might take me in.

The past - His version
It all began when I met this beautiful girl named Sara. She was everything a man could ask for. She was smart, caring and loving, unlike Amberville.  Amberville was cruel, violent and deceitful. People are said to be happy if they go to hell because there’s nothing in hell which is not there in Amberville. Good men were a myth here. From the local newspaper boy to the corporate, each one of them owed their allegiance to the mafia here. You simply could not live without them. Being an architect, I was on the safer side. I didn’t have to deal with them personally.  I always wondered how Sarah became how she was, in spite of being in Amberville for so long. Later only I realized who she actually was.  How did I meet her? 

My office was a dull one in a rather depressing corner of the town. It was in the first floor and I first saw her while she was crossing the road.   I had noticed her looking at my board. Such a beauty in Amberville was rare to find. After a  few minutes I heard a knock on the door.  My assistant opened the door and let her in. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say she literally brought radiance along with her. The beauty of her face brightened up the whole room.  She wanted me to design her house.  I agreed, even though I did not show out my emotions I was sure she understood what I had in my mind. 

She said yes when I asked her out for a dinner. Many dinners followed. Soon the house  became our house. We started making plans for the future. The city seemed less violent now. The construction progressed at a steady pace. As it was in the outskirts of the city, nobody was there to interfere. At times she used to appear really weak and she told it was because of her anemia. 

After a year or so I noticed something has changed. She was distracted and seemed to spend a lot of time with her other friends. I had met them once or twice but never really got along with them.
That day was just like any other afternoon : dull and monotonous. The summer heat was getting on. Air conditioning had stopped working two days back. I opened the window and was looking outside, sipping a cold beer. There was nothing better than a cold bottle of beer to cool you down in the hot summer afternoon. As I was looking outside I saw her friend walking on the other side of the road. She was going to the beauty salon. Rage grew in me. I finished the beer and went down for a real drink. I decided not to ask her anything but keep an eye on her. The next day she started early saying she was going with her friends to a show in the city. After she left I followed her in a cab. She did not go to any show, but she went to the Doctor’s place. Doctor was a big shot in the underworld. He got his name from doing surgeries on his victims before killing them. He also had the largest collection of poisons and biological weapons. Doctor lived in a small house with no guards or anything. As Sara entered the house, I went around to see if there is any window or something from where I could see what was going on. I found a place and I looked in. The sight was nauseating. Sara was dancing for the Doctor. The seductive dance went on for some time and by the time she finished the dance there was hardly anything left to the imagination. Then she went to him and the most unthinkable act happened. My knees gave up, I fell down and vomited. I have been in Amberville but never had to witness something like this. The slut was cheating on me and she very well knew I couldn’t do anything to the Doctor. But to her,  I could, my inner voice said.

I thought of confronting her but the alcohol awakened the demon inside me. Everyone had a dark side and my dark side wanted me to take a knife and stab her. Sanity and logical thinking was disappearing fast as I kept on drinking. All the violence I saw, all the stories I heard and that single sight I saw at the Doctor’s residence drove me to insanity. I decided to make her pay for what she did to me. She was the light of my life. She had brightened up my days… or so I had thought. The dark clouds of Amberville were back.  

I put on a mask. I waited for her near the road that turned to her apartments.  Once she passed me, I went after her. I hit her head with the blunt end of the knife and she fell down. I stabbed her then, first on the stomach, then her legs and arms. I did not touch any of the vital parts because I wanted her to live. Live and suffer. I was sure her cries would bring out the neighbors, they would call the ambulance.
Sara was in the hospital for 2 months. The Doctor had sent her flowers once in a week. I stood by her side but I could not be who I was. In her sufferings I doubt if she noticed it. Once she became alright she again started visiting that scoundrel. I became more and more addicted to the drinks. I kept on stabbing her. The same mask, the same knife, the same girl but different places. Each time she lived. But each time her health deteriorated. The demon inside had already taken control of me.  I got into a bar brawl and stabbed the other guy sending him to the hospital. My visit to Sara has reduced and visits to the Jimmy’s the bar increased. 


One day I went to meet her after a long time and there was a car parked outside her apartments. I did not enter her room through the front but went through the fire escape route and entered her kitchen. I could hear noises from the other room. I went silently and saw the frail body of Sara on top of him. Sara was just bones. He was least bothered about her health, only concerned about his pleasure. Sara was straining hard. I could not take it anymore. The rage rose in me like a fire, consuming me. I went back to the kitchen, found a long knife and waited. The sounds I was hearing made me go mad. After what seemed to be like a long wait he left. I went to the room and Sara was sleeping. I shook her violently. She opened her eyes to see me with a knife. Before she could say anything I pushed the knife through her ribcage into her heart. Thick red blood started flowing. She tried saying something but I took out the knife and stabbed her again. The sight of blood I thought would nauseate me actually gave me satisfaction. The wild pleasure of having the power of life and death was indeed addictive.

I left Amberville that night. I felt satisfied by ending an immoral girl’s life. That was just a start. I indulged in my new found passion for blood ever since. I started keeping principles, doing only righteous kills. I killed only bad guys. But soon I realized one man’s devil might be another’s angel. So the lines of righteousness got blurred by the stacks of money I was getting. I realized you cannot give justification for a crime.  

The easy way was to accept yourself to be a bad man and do the crime rather than covering it with some ideology. After three years of several hits I returned to Amberville for a job.  My target was a middle aged man. I had to make it look like a hit and run. Once the job was done, I returned back to my old unfinished house. It had a ghostly look to it now. Uninhibited for three years. The garden she used to walk through had literally become a forest now. The keys were still under the flower pot next to the door, I wonder why nobody took them till now.  

As I entered the house a flood of memories hit me. Memories I dared not to think of in the last 3 years. There were papers and covers lying around the door. People must have pushed them under the door. I have to wait here to meet my client to get the payment.  I made my way through the cobwebs to the first floor to sleep for a while. But then the bed is spoiled, couldn’t use. So I came down again walked around the place thinking to renovate the house, now that I have money I can remodel this house to be my summer retreat or something like that. I kicked some of the papers that were lying around and I saw Sara’s photo in one of them. It must be her obituary or something but she was not famous or anything to have photo in the front page. I took that paper and the headlines read “Sara : girl who killed the Doctor”


The past : Her version

Amberville has always been a cruel step mother to me. She took away my parents when I was a child, the only brother I had got involved in drugs early in his life.  Anytime he got involved in something I was taken as collateral. When I was fifteen or sixteen years older my brother got involved in something really nasty and I was held as a prisoner. He had to pay a large amount to the main drug dealers because he screwed up badly. They asked him to come meet them in person with the money if he wants to see me again. When he showed up with the money, they took him to get more information out of him. He refused. They put a syringe into my arm and asked again. He said no again. He was not in his senses, he was high on the drugs and they injected that disease into me. The doctor was known for keeping diseases in a bottle, incurable diseases which kill you slowly and painfully. 

I left from there not thinking about the injection or the disease I got, but about the brother who cares more about his dirty little secret than his little sister. I left Amberville that night, not knowing where to go. All I wanted is to go as far as possible from that place. I never recalled that injection of that fateful night, until I went to a doctor years later for constant tiredness. He had infected me with HIV. And that virus has started to be active. There is no cure. No way I could save myself. My brother died. According to his friends he died a hero’s death trying to save a box of cocaine. I went back to Amberville. The city surprised me on levels which I never knew existed.  The Doctor was running the show now. I decided to take revenge on him. But a girl like me could never take on such a person. Unless I appealed to his well known lust. I changed my name and looks and went into the game. I frequented night clubs and pubs. I still did not have a proper place to live so I decided to build a house at the small plot I have. It was then I met Sam.

Sam turned my life upside down. He was refreshingly different from the rest of Amberville. His eyes talk of love, something hard to find in here. I was torn between my desire for revenge and the hope for a wonderful life with him. The emotional struggle was hard to take. I had spent days plotting how to reach the Doctor and now I spent days with him.  I started feeling the tiredness again. Then the hard truth hit me. I had few days to live. I could never be happy with him and he could never know what had happened to me. So I made the hard decision to let go of him for the better good. I pursued after the Doctor.
He gave in to his lust and consumed on his pleasures.  I got stabbed and got admitted to the hospital. Probably some of the Doctor’s enemies. Sam started keeping a distance. I was depressed by that but happy that he won’t go down with me. I kept going back to the Doctor. I was just another whore for him. Someone to use and throw. I kept going back just to make sure he got the taste of his medicine. I got stabbed again and my health started deteriorating really fast. I wanted to be with Sam, but he was nowhere to be seen. But the Doctor showed up, without considering my health he sought pleasure. I lost interest in living, I lay there like a corpse. After doctor left I heard some noise. Sam was before my eyes. I thought it was a dream. Before I could utter a word a long knife in his hand pierced my heart. I could feel the warm blood flowing out. Death, the long lost friend finally came for me in the form of my love. I am feeling cold.

The tombstone is cold. I never felt any pain in doing what I did until now. All the lives I have taken, all families I have destroyed, all those pain. I kneel in front of the tomb. I don’t know what to say. The rain is still hitting me like a thousand knives hitting me. The shadows growing longer. i heard some sound behind me. Before turning only it hit me in the head. I never felt the pain.


The silencer attached suppressed the sound. John stood there for some time to confirm the hit and then he left.


(Murders at the hospital is another story from Amberville)
(The city of Amberville is created by Roshan Radhakrishnan in his blog Godyears.)

Murders at the hospital

A Lacron’s carver is commonly used by a dental student. They use it for carving wax mostly. It has a sharp end and a curved end. Some use the curved end for picking ears. But I have an entirely different use for a Lacron’s carver. I use it for killing people.

Amberville was not always like this. There was a time when no dark alleys existed. Every street was considered safe for women and children. But the great depression changed everything. It bought out the wild side of the men. Plundering and looting continued for months. Every honest man had to take weapons just to survive in the wilderness Amberville had become. Even women and children were not spared. They were raped and kidnapped. Soon, the good men fled the city. What started as random fights and looting slowly began to get organized. Those who had the power and means to take control took over the reins of the city and divided it among themselves. Police and judiciary were made mockery of. Greed, lust and violence gripped the city. Even on the sunniest day, the city looked dull and depressing.

I had left the city before the depression for my studies. The place I came back to wasn’t my home… it was hell. Anti social elements infiltrated the society. Brothels become the safer places for women. Many of my childhood friends were already dead. Others have chosen the path of violence. My childhood sweetheart was added to the unsolved murders in the city. I had nowhere else to go. I was on the verge of insanity when I got the job at the General Hospital. It was one the few places left as it is by the mob.

I had a steady flow of patients in the dental extension of the hospital now. Broken teeth were the most common problem which wasn’t surprising. It may be due to fights or sometimes innocent people getting hit by the petty thieves. People who disagreed with the big shot gangsters usually returned in a coffin.

A Saturday morning.

I got a call from the hospital asking me to go to room 66 immediately. Sensing the urgency of the caller I rushed. I reached there and saw a big burly man with two broken arms, a broken rib cage and many broken teeth. I needn’t guess why I was called. Nobody explained what happened either, that was left to imagination. That was how it was in the city. Nobody talked. But the rumors went around saying he was indeed the Bear himself. No one knew his real name. He had a violent history. He never took orders from anyone other than his boss Theodore. With the help of the Bear, he controlled the Westside area. I was furious when he came back to his room. Why did I have to treat him? I asked the walls and chairs of his room as there was no one else. I thought about the Bear. He had more resemblance to an animal than to a human. May be that’s why they call him the Bear. Watching the news didn’t help at all. Bear was apparently beaten up by a rival gang while he was putting his long knife into a 5 year old just to teach his father a lesson. The rival gang came and gave him a nice beating and left. They were not bothered about the kid. Why would they bother about somebody’s boy? Bear managed to pull out his cell phone and call for help. But the kid bled to death. In the heavy rain nobody noticed the red tinge of the puddles formed.

I started off with scotch to calm my nerves. After thinking again and again I finally decided to do something that could calm my nerves for a longer time. I took a Lacron’s carver and an anesthetic gel and stepped out into the heavy rain. After 10 minutes here I am outside the hospital. The hospital in the rain gave a ghostly appearance. The orange light from the sodium vapor lamp added on to this. I walked towards the rear entrance where I wouldn’t be seen entering the hospital. Surprisingly there were no body guards outside Bear’s room.

I entered the room slowly. Nothing but a thin outline could have been seen from the room. I closed the door and moved towards the bed without making a sound. In the dim light from the bathroom I looked around and found none. I heard something from the windows. Must be some sound from outside. A rat or something I guess.I checked the patient file to find that the Bear was sedated. He was sleeping like a baby. I took out the anesthetic gel and applied slowly on the Bear’s neck. He shouldn’t feel the pain. It might wake him up.My hands were shaking a bit. After applying I waited for almost 5 minutes for the gel take action. Each minute felt like an hour. The carotid pulse was felt. I imagined a beating snake under my fingers and in a sudden fluid motion I sliced both the carotid arteries with the carver. Blood spurted out. I have never seen blood flowing like that before. It made me nauseous and I took five minutes to realize the importance of the time. I covered the Bear with the blanket till the neck, cleaned my hands and the carver and walked out closing the door behind me.

As he left in a hurry he had failed to see the blue eyes observing him behind the curtain. He stood there behind the curtain well hidden from the dim light in the room. He stayed there for some more time before going to the bed. He got the familiar aroma of blood as he approached. It has always excited him. Perhaps that is why he chose to be a professional assassin.

I was badly in need of another drink. I hurried back home. On the way was the church, the church of Saint George. It was already Sunday. The big statue of the saint on a white horse slaying a dragon was there in front of the church. It wasn’t raining anymore. There was light inside. The priest must be getting ready for the morning service. The church was as old as the city itself and it used to attract large numbers. But now hardly a few went to the church. Istood there for a moment before deciding what to do. I walked inside and saw the priest.

“Father I need to confess!”

“At this hour? There is confession session every Friday afternoon. Why didn’t you come then?”

“I have done a sin and seek the forgiveness of the Lord. Surely you can’t say no to that.” “No I cannot say no to that. Come.” The priest sighed.

The Father sat and I knelt in front of the confessional.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned………….. “

After I was done he started advising me “Son, your path is wrong. It will lead to self destruction and you will end up in the eternal fires of the hell. No bad deed is justified in front of God. Repent your actions and say ‘Hail Mary’ 5 times and offer it to cleanse your soul.”

As the priest was saying the necessary prayers I walked out. I again looked at the statue of St.George. At that moment it was pride that filled my heart and was not repenting a bit about what I did.He killed a dragon and I, a bear. Both for the same reasons.

I reached home, finished the bottle of scotch and slept the whole day. Seems I missed a lot on the channels about the murder but the newspapers carried different vivid and colourful stories about the murdered gangster the next day morning. Media and the people suspected rival gangs but police did not comment anything. They were actually relieved to see the bear dead on a bed soaked with his own blood. The men who knew the truth chose silence.

John became an assassin to survive. He had understood that in Amberville you have to lay down your righteousness and morality if you want to live. He excelled at his job and that was why the Westside Mafia collectively hired John for finishing of what they started. Finish the Bear. Even though he did not do the job himself he still collected the fee and started inquiring about the mysterious visitor who made his job easier. John was also the main mediator among the gangs. He occasionally engaged and sometimes killed rogue members of the mafia to ensure the balance of the city. Nobody questioned the man with the blue eyes. Bear was one among them. John was well informed about the mafia and it was not difficult for him to find out about David.

Two weeks passed since that day I took law into my hands. It was a dull day as any other day when Sarah walked into my clinic with a broken filling. She was beautiful. What started as a normal doctor patient chit chat went beyond that by the time she was leaving. I guess she found me different from the other men of the city. I loved her eyes. I felt compassion and warmth in those eyes. Had never seen any of those after coming to the city. Sarah was not from here. She told me she was a journalist who came to do a feature on the city and its downfall. She was not very happy with this assignment as any wrong move could take her life. I met her again for dinner. I supported her work and gave her courage to go ahead. We started seeing each other regularly. Sarah would tell me the details she found out about the mafia and I would tell tales about my patients.Highly unethical but never the less entertaining. I enjoyed her company. It took me back to my college days. Days have become brighter.

With the same modus operandi only I eliminated two more men. This threw of the balance in the city. Nobody was sure who was killing who. I never knew about this pressure building up in the underworld. I was happy to be with Sarah. I confessed after each killing but never did what the priest asked me to do. Thank god for them. They keep the confessions secret.

Almost a month after we started seeing each other one day I found Sarah on the verge of tears. She was scared like a small rabbit trying to run from a wolf. I took her to his apartments and made her a strong coffee. It was only after half an hour or so Sarah told him what happened. She was at Jimmy’s bar, a place where these scumbags hang out. So while she was there looking for sources for her report she met this guy. He said he was the half brother of the bear who was killed more than a month ago. His name was Samuel. He was willing to do or say anything to get some information about the killer. Sarah acted as if she knew something to get some information and Samuel gave her a lot of real dirty info about the whole mafia setup. With the two new killings Samuel got very curious as to what sort of information Sarah had. When Sarah didn’t give a proper answer he put the word out that she knew something of these hospital murders. And now this guy called Smith wanted to talk to her. Smith was the agent for one of gangs. She was to go to the 5^th Avenue crossroad at 10 in the night and walk east. If she did not come or go to police she would be killed. Simply put. I badly wanted to tell her about the murders. I have never talked to her about them,even though I was tempted many a times. She doesn’t seem to know anything more than what the press or people know. But I kept his desires away and said I can go with her.

“He said I should go alone.”

“Then I’ll keep a distance. I have a revolver given to me by the police after the hospital killings. I can take that also. And no I won’t use. It is just for a safety.” But I already made other plans.

I was thinking I could use a change of style. Whoever this Smith guy was, the city would be a better place without him. I know the location would be isolated in the night. Only drunkards and drug addicts would go there.

Sarah was punctual. She was at the 5^th Avenue crossroad and started walking east. It was raining heavily. I am sure I won’t be noticed. As Sarah started walking I followed matching her pace. Suddenly out of the shadows a man emerged and started walking with Sarah. I couldn’t hear what they were talking. The rain somehow reminded me of the night he killed the bear. I felt that familiar chill up his spine. As they were walking the man suddenly pushed Sarah to one side and his went into his pocket. I jumped forward taking out my gun. I saw the flash of a metal in the man’s hand and heard a click. A suppressed shot.My first thought was about Sarah and its paining. But not in the heart. It was below, from my abdomen where the bullet pierced me. I dropped the gun and fell down face to the ground. When I turned I saw the cold eyes of Sarah. There was no warmth or compassion in them. Then the man with blue eyes said “You have caused more damage than good, my friend. Your time has come.” And they left.

As I was lying there getting soaked in the rain with the blood giving a red tinge to the puddles I thought about the priest. I started saying “ Hail mary. Full of grace. The Lord is with thee…..”

Nobody came to help him and neither did he finish the prayer.

(I got inspired from a story series by a fellow blogger who was good enough to help me with the editing also. Thank you Roshan Radhakrishnan. Amberville is a city created by him in his blog and you can more stories at the Godyears. Other stories in the series are Amberville, The Confession, Payback and Guardian Angel )