The virtual dance of democracy

It is said to be the Dance of democracy. There are various superlatives given to our elections. The whole process of election makes the people feel powerful. All the so called powerful leaders will come and ask for the common man’s vote. What they do with the vote is an entirely different question. This time the social media is said to play a major role

 The amount of work these parties put into their online campaigning it would look like the election is going to take place in Facebook with Mark Zuckerberg as the electoral officer or that the election commission will consider the number of retweets and favourites also along with the cast vote.

Yes! XYZ Party gets more likes and hence we have a winner!

My favourite social media of the lot is twitter. I am pretty sure that the creators of twitter would have had one of those friends who just won’t keep quiet. They must have come up with this brilliant idea while talking to her/him.  

Anyways you open twitter now and it is elections all over. Full of trivia which no one really cares about. Major news handles trying to outreach other major news handles by bringing exclusive items about candidates' past and present. When they run out of such highly interesting trivia I am half expecting these people will go to some astrologer to get exclusive breaking news about the candidates’ future also. In fact that is a good idea. Instead of having the experts and political commentators they should have a panel of astrologers, psychics, tarot card readers, Paul the octopus (in spirit of course, which I am sure can be arranged) and have a healthy discussion on the future of the Indian democracy.  

Now things like candidate A wore a t shirt last year in a function which proves him to be an agent of the West or candidate B wore a kurtha pyjama last month which made him regressive and against development are getting momentum in twitter! This will ensure a series of tweets making fun of the said candidates and hordes of people supporting candidates A, B and C, more or less making it a trend. They will have childish twitter fights on how childish it is to fight on twitter. They will profess great ideas about how the country should be run in 140 letters. I mean where did all those ignorant geeks go? What happened to all the good old days when Poonam Pandey could start a trend with a single tweet? (Now even she has to resort to the English premier league) Or how Koffee with karan used to trend with its sheer brilliance! 

 Every day at least two of the top trends now are political in nature. This is setting a bad example to the upcoming generation that wants to join twitter. For them it’ll be a choice between the politically aware pseudo intellectuals of Twitter and the self obsessed ignorant teens and aunties of Facebook. That’s worse than choosing between Modi and Rahul Gandhi. 

I find solace in instagram now. Barring the selfie fever it is a wonderful social network to drool over the food you'll never eat and places you'll never visit. 

The following are some of the statistics I found while researching on this. (By research I meant Google. Isn't that kind of obvious?)

India has

114.8 Million Facebook users  (http://qz.com/150274/india-facebook/ )

33 Million Twitter users (http://www.alltechienews.com/posts/twitter-s-most-active-country-is-china )

A total of 147.8 million users

We have 814 million eligible voters (http://blogs.reuters.com/india/2014/04/03/facts-and-figures-for-the-2014-general-election/)

We also have a population of around 400 million without access to electricity (http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/TOPICS/EXTENERGY2/0,,contentMDK:22855502~pagePK:210058~piPK:210062~theSitePK:4114200,00.html )

Around 18 % of the voters are in the social media but a staggering 49 % do not have access to electricity.

 This 18% is widely spread all over the country with probably a high density in the urban areas.

Do we have to politicize the social media also for this? Social networks are probably among the few places left where your religion, location, cast, political leanings don’t really matter. Why not keep it that way?

Do dance along for the democracy.

(Do share this with the pseudo intellectuals, ignorant teens and Google employees) 

The King of Patiala and the Horse Riders

The King of Patiala was taking his usual morning stroll in the royal garden.  The interior affairs minister, a short rash guy came running to the king.
“Your highness! Emergency! The village youth had been found to sit on the royal emblem and the pride of our nation. The horse!”
“What?? How is it possible?? Isn't there rules against that??”
“I checked with the legal affairs minister your highness. He is on his way to meet you.  It seems the constitution has laid rules on how to breed the horse, what to feed the horse, by-laws on how to milk the horse, sub-clauses on the recipes for horse meat but there is no rule against sitting on the horse! I doubt this is a conspiracy by the enemy states to make the people lose their respect for the  royal emblem and so disintegrate the national unity which would make our country more vulnerable to the invasion ”
The minister told it so fast that the king understood only the last word.
“Well don’t just stand here then! Go make one law against that! Where is that legal affairs minister??”
“Your highness he will reach here soon. And there he is”
The minister said pointing to the bulky, very bulky legal affairs minister walking slowly, so slow that he’ll give an excellent competition to the a snail which is competing in a slow cycle race.
The king and the internal affairs minister stood affix waiting for the legal minister to reach them.
“Your highness I heard from the internal affairs minister about the sinister act of the youth in the village. What ought to be done?”
“What else? Make a new law banning all sorts of sitting and standing on the horse illegal. I want it done before sundown today!”
“Yes your highness!” The legal affairs minister then started his very slow walk back to his office.
“Well done minister for the swift action. You deserve the ‘Order of the Horse Mane’ award!” King was indeed pleased with the interior affairs minister.
The minister left and the king resumed his walk around the garden.

Four innocent hapless young men were arrested from the village the next day while playing a new game on their pets.
 They were sentenced to five years in prison upon the charges of showing disrespect to the national emblem, trying to disintegrate the national unity, conspiring with the enemies against the kingdom, plotting to overthrow the king and finally drinking the horse milk other than how it was directed in the constitution.  Of course the evidences were all circumstantial.

(You may think this is an euphemism or metaphors or something like that but the author is not responsible for  what the reader makes of this story!)

(This story is dedicated to my close friend, whose conversations laid the ground for the Kingdom of Patiala and has asked me to write about it here.) 

Over a Cup of Coffee

"I came here just because my mother forced me.” 
Sarah said as she sat down in front of Karthik. Not even a smile, he noticed. They were in a coffee shop going through the modern version of an arranged marriage. The guy and the girl meeting up in a coffee shop, much alike to a blind date but just that this one was set up by their parents and one of them was not really into it. 
“It is not like I am against arranged marriage or anything but I want to spend some time doing things which I like to do.” She continued.

“What are those things?” Karthik spoke for the first time.
“Travelling for instance…… Basically do things with my friends…… Watching movies……… I had a boy friend in my college so didn’t really hang out with my friends then, kinda making up for all the time I wasted. YES I had a boyfriend and I used to hang out with him all the time. Don’t give that surprised look. … I didn’t study in a medical college to spend all my time nerding off in front of the books……. We can enjoy the whole semester and cram the studies to the last one week. . ”
“Cappuccino, two,” said Karthik to the waiter, other than which he did not really say anything.
“My mother was very adamant on seeing you as her cousin’s somebody’s somebody had a high opinion of you.” Sarah continued talking as the cappuccino came.
Karthik let that compliment pass with a smile.
“You being a doctor would be used to a serious life style. I am not saying it is bad or anything but I like somebody who is a bit more relaxed and fun loving. You guys really do a good job saving people’s life and stuff like that but then again you are not really the risk takers in your personal life. I am sure you must be the kind who used to study on a daily basis”
“Not really.  I usually..” He had to stop as she continued with her monologue.
“.. We on the other hand don’t really have to break our backs studying like that because we don’t really face a life or death situation. If we can manage to…”

“Oh f***!!” Karthik nearly jumped out of his seat.
“What??” Sarah  was shocked to see the  f word coming out of the ‘good-boy’
“It is my ex – girlfriend!!”
“  What??? You ex girl friend??”
“No time to talk now, we have to move fast!” Saying this Karthik took Sarah’s hand and literally ran out through the other entrance of the coffee shop, almost knocking down another couple on the way.
He released her hand only when they were a safe distance away from his ex- girlfriend.
“Sorry about it. We recently broke up and it was not a good break up also” Karthik tried to explain as Sarah was trying to catch her breath.
“What you mean not a good break up??”
“Well I am not really sure if she knows it or not.”
“What the hell? You are such an ass!” 
“Well I try not to show off! In my defense she started to avoid me then I ignored her but she never really bothered”
“You doctors are so screwed up man!” She said with a laugh. That was her first laugh since she sat down in front of him 15 minutes ago.

After 4 months, their wedding reception..

“Hey your ex girl friend is here!” Sarah whispered in a worried tone while smiling at the 6 cameras aimed at them.
“Who? Diya? She is fine.”
“You made peace with her?”
“Well she was not really my girl friend, just a good friend.”
“What??? You lied to me??”
“You wanted an adventure, I gave you one! Oh yeah we have a tendency to make up stuff, got it from writing all those exams!”
“You ass!” She punched him in his ribs and laughed a lot louder than the first time she laughed with him. 

(Author's note: Coz we are fun too!!!)
Belated Christmas wishes everyone and hope all of you will have a really great new year up ahead!)

God's sense of humour!

Some of my close friends would know that I consider myself as linguistically challenged. At any given point of time I can learn/talk/understand no more than 2 languages.
Well yes as with most of the other stuff I put up  here this is also a mild exaggeration but it is very difficult for me to learn a new language so I accept it and stop trying to make a fool out of myself. More than any other language it is Hindi our official language which has a problem with me. I never could reason with the fact that inanimate objects have gender. Plus there are a lot more stuff in that language which has given me enough nightmares throughout the 6 years I studied it. (Yes! 6 years!!! Yet I cannot speak or understand Hindi properly! Now you all know why I don't like it!)  This particular trait of mine has made me the butt of many a jokes among my friend's group.
So this is just a background to the following incident which happened yesterday.
I was on my way to the railway station to go home with hardly any cash on me. As always I went to the nearby ATM, after entering the PIN the machine's touch screen was stuck on the language selection page. I touched English nothing happened. I touched Malayalam, again nothing happened, skipping the Hindi in the middle I came out and went to the only other ATM  in the locality. The other one was closed for repairs. I stood there at 1:30 pm not really knowing what to do to catch the train at 2:15 pm. Again I went back to first ATM hoping for a miracle to happen. When you are walking in the sun with two moderately large bags trust me you'll become a believer! Then man inside the ATM came out counting money. MIRACLE! I silently proclaimed while entering the small room. But again, the machine was stuck at the language selection. Was God playing a trick with me? Then I understood the grand joke! I touched the middle option - Hindi! It worked. Unbelievable! The ATM did not have a problem till the previous night. First time in my life I am seeing the ATM behaving like this. With familiarity I managed the first Hindi screen without reading but the second was tough. I had to try really hard to decipher those signs. I was sure the person waiting outside would think I was gonna steal money or something. But thankfully he didn't call the police.
Only when I was comfortably sitting in the train I realized the prank God played on me!
He sure does have a good sense of humour, even though many of his followers don't.
I am sure many of us have these kind of tiny incidents.
Do share them here.

Petrol the liquid gold!

Petrol literally on its way to become liquid gold!

The petrol price hike has hit the common man very badly!  That’s how the media puts it at least.  Personally I am not much affected by this hike. Does that mean I am not a common man? Am I above the rest? Or below? The reasons for me not getting affected are simple. Firstly I don’t own a car, secondly and more importantly when I shamelessly ask for a lift I make sure it is a diesel car (in case the owner asks me a share. Surely I will do that!)

 So what to do about the hike?? If you ask the opposition parties in Kerala, they would say call a Hartal and get over with it. That’s one thing I miss about Kerala. The frequent Hartals for no apparent reasons. So  Malayalees get a day off. Common man is not at all affected by it. In fact they enjoy to the extent that they call up each other and wish ‘Happy Hartal’. I am pretty sure the mobile operators will start considering  Hartal to be a public holiday and start charging sms. Common man shouldn’t have the luxury of free sms during Hartals, it totally ruins the purpose.

So coming back to the original question, what can be done about the price hike? There were umpteen suggestions from overnight experts in petrol and oil industry! Petrol was trending in twitter for that one night. The next day’s newspaper also had so many suggestions. One suggestion, actually the only one which caught my attention was given by the petrol dealers association. According to them, if the officials in the oil companies cut down their salary, increments, bribes and all, it is possible to sell liter of petrol at Rs.16 apparently. Well 16 might be an exaggeration but 20 per liter would be a good bargain. Not that I am against 16 per liter, but these officers are used to taking bribe and all for a long so why putting a hole in their pocket.

But that suggestion being the ideal one is also hypothetical. Even Anna Hazare I feel is fed up of the system and has given up his struggle against corruption. I think the whole of petrol car owners will stand with him if he starts an agitation against the petrol hike! Seriously there is nothing more motivating than cheap petrol.

 Fight against corruption is a really tasty desert item. You appreciate it, you write pages about it and you can have it once in a while but not more than that. Seriously how many people can eat really sweet stuff for a long time? But we all love it , we keep on talking how good it is.

One suggestion to the problem is to declare bullock cart as the national vehicle. Give subsidies to the companies which make them. Government should promote bullock cart manufacturing units. I would say give three or four such units to West Bengal but then again our Didi is against vehicle factories if I am not mistaken.  She’ll probably say Marx had once owned a bullock cart so its Marxist and hence should be banned from Bengal.

You shouldn’t start it in Kerala because by the time the factories actually start working, the grass for the bullocks would be cost like petrol. Then they’ll have Hartals for the rights of the bullocks as well. A bullocks union is also likely to happen.

The other suggestion is to go for bicycles. Good option but not practical. We are the laziest of the whole lot! Cycling is physical exertion. A big NO to that. I can say that for myself and I am sure the majority is with me. If you have any doubt just check the statistics of Diabetes and Hypertension.

So what now? I’ll give you the most simple, easy, practical and viable solution to this.

IMPORT CHINESE PETROL!

I am sure that will be cheaper!

Have a great weekend!  

The two years

When I started this blog I seriously had no idea where it was heading and what Am I gonna put up and after 2 years of blogging I still don't know the answers. . I can safely say this blog has truly happened as a matter of chance.
Writing has always been a passion for me. I enjoy writing and ironically I have the worst handwriting possible. (Which has been made fun of umpteen number of times from my 4th standard malayalam teacher to the college staff, without fail almost everyone who has seen it..Well that is not what this post is about.)
So back to blogging.. I started this thinking it would be the next best thing after facebook (I know, too much exaggeration!! )
Later on i realized it is not gonna happen. (I still don't know why.. Come on I was more qualified than Mark Z when he started fb.. )
Anyways Am happy where I am right now. I got a bunch of readers, who may not always leave a comment but would give the feedback directly.
I don't know how many of you remember the offer I gave for the 1st anniversary ( Free Ice creams!) this time its gonna be even better!
There are two offers.
Offer no 1: 'Like' or '+' as much posts in the blog and person who does the maximum likes can redeem them in KFC! You should see for the sign saying "As a Matter of Chance offer valid". If you find the sign then go ahead and place the order. Once you get it ask for the 'gifts for Likes'
100 likes : beautiful aroma of the fried chicken
200 likes : one tissue paper extra
250 likes : one sachet ketchup
500 likes : one sachet ketchup and a tissue paper extra
(And this time I am not asking you bring any proof or anything because of the simple reason that I trust you guys!)
More than 500 likes : You are lying, there is no way you can put more than 500 likes!!!!

Offer no 2: Its very simple. Just find me and ask me for a coffee! And I shall be giving it!

Best of luck!
Keep reading!! :) :)

Diary of my nerd Neighbor : D-man strikes again with the screw ups!!

Dear diary, I gotta tell you this so badly before anything else. I have always worked hard since I can remember but last one month you know, was truly hectic!! I am not complaining you see, because I know this is what to expect. Unlike Rohan who was complaining throughout the posting. He as usual got screwed every single day! There are no apparent reasons other than his utterly foolish answers he tells every time something is asked. I don’t know for sure but I have heard someone telling me that one sir got so pissed of with his answer that sir actually hit him on his back!! I always miss these golden moments!! At one point of time Rohan got so much depressed and frustrated with the constant screwing he got, he started taking it out on us. It was simply horrible!! 

But the weirdest thing is that in spite of all this he gets to represent the college and go somewhere. God only knows where and all.. I didn’t bother asking also! Who wants to waste time like that?? Even though it would have been a nice experience… Initially I used to feel sympathy at the constant screwing he gets from the staff. Thought he might change and stop irritating us but that will never happen I guess.. He was very happy at the last day in that dept but then he got screwed like never before in the viva.. It seems the staff had a good time asking him questions while he just kept quite. Even the staff got mad and said that we all are dumb (how dare she calls us that?? May be because she haven’t taken my viva till then) but he is dumber than the rest!! The D-word is clinging on to him like a label!! And am loving it!! Do you remember diary, before also a professor had called him D-man!! Anyways he has to give the viva again! Ha!

(As always I again would like to say that the nerd neighbor is a work of fiction! Recently a friend of mine came to me and said it was very bad of me to write about her like this!! I was taken aback by the fact that my blog is getting more readers!! Am content! Recently my days were really bad as I screwed up so many things.. Can’t really blame the staff alone for getting screwed. Its difficult to admit but there were many mistakes from my part also which put me into unavoidable conflicts with others.. I can proudly say I am wiser than what I was a month ago. And I should thank the very staff who screwed me for that. I started reading just to avoid getting the daily routine ‘idiot’ calling! But could never avoid that as I always screw up something each time!! And then there were these people around me who had to bear all my frustration just because they happened to be my friends!!! Couldn’t help it!)

Half of January is over so its kinda late for new year events but this one is awesome. I welcomed the new year and the new decade by being online and doing absolutely nothing else! I was invited by Vijay (Mallya) for his party in Goa but I didn’t go because it seems my pet bat Roxi was not allowed inside!! They claimed it to be a party for night creatures and I cant take mine! Moronic!!

(In case you haven’t noticed there is a Facebook box in the right side. If you click on the 'like' rest assured  Mark Z is gonna give you regular updates from this blog!!! :) )

10 steps for a Free Icecream!!

It’s been a year since the blog was born. As with my most of other actions this also didn’t have any particular reason or aim. It just happened As a Matter of Chance! On this happy occasion I am offering free coffee flavored ice creams to all my readers!!!
This is being done in association with Baskin Robbins.
Please follow the steps given below to get it.

1) Put a comment on this post or any other post. (Previous comments are acceptable)
2) Take a print out of that page.
3) Go to your nearest Baskin Robbins outlet.
4) Check for the sign saying “As a Matter of Chance Offer Valid!!”
5) Go in and order coffee flavored ice cream
6) Enjoy the ice cream
7) Show cashier your print out
8) Show your id
9) Argue with the cashier
10) Walk/run out!!!


Repost this on your facebook, twitter or anywhere else to get more flavors. Offer valid only for a week!
Enjoy your ice cream!!
It’s been a great year!
Keep Reading!!!

Diary of my Nerd neighbor: Long hours, Coffee and the D-man!!

Final year till now has been really hectic (well not that hectic but people expect it to be hectic, so Am just telling it to be hectic!!). Daily morning classes are there and I am always the first to reach class. I enjoy these classes very much. The crisp fresh morning helps you learn really well.

But Rohan always comes late and nicely sleep in the class. I don’t why the staffs haven’t caught him till now. First of all I don’t how he came to final year. I was sitting near him in the exams and I don’t think there was even one answer he wrote on his own. (The Exams) Anyways the class starts at 8 am and goes till 11 on most of the days. 3 lectures a day. The best part about being in final year is that the teachers who come to take class explain everything with the great detail with the clinical aspect. They are so much concerned about us understanding the topic they go to any extend to make us learn. I don’t understand how Rohan can sleep in such classes. He really doesn’t know what he is missing out.

Among his irritating habits the latest is his coffee drinking. After every class he runs out and after 5 minutes comes back with a cup of coffee and fills the A/C lecture hall with its aroma... It’s truly disgusting. I don’t like that smell of coffee..

And worst of all he is in my posting batch also. This means we are in the same batch for clinical postings throughout the year.. Things can’t be any worst. Only two postings have been over till but I feel like its been more than a year.. Its true that time goes really slow when you are with whom you really want to avoid!! But then again I cant do anything about it so I always pretend he is invisible and cant hear him.. Especially when he is cracking his really stupid PJs..

But once I was happy when he told a joke. Not that the joke was good; they are always bad jokes.. But right after he told it a professor saw him talking and caught him for that. He was made to repeat the work he was doing and was asked to show him only all his work from that day on. This professor is somewhat a perfectionist and Rohan is the last person to make something perfect. That was one of my happiest day in that department. Now he is going to lag in his work. But surprisingly his work starts improving. The worst part is now he just goes to that professor and tells him bluntly that he didn’t understand if something is not clear.. Totally rude!!

But the best part was on the last day or I thought so.. There is something called an appliance where you have to make an initial skeleton kind of thing with steel wire and then acrylize it. So we have to sign for the wire bending and then for the final appliance. He didn’t know it and I was least bothered to tell him also. He was showing one of these appliances to this sir and he asked if he had taken sign for the wire bending. Rohan obviously had no idea about this and said no and even went on to say that he doesn’t think others also know. Sir got angry and asked everyone. Apparently Rohan was the only one who didn’t know about this. Instead of getting angry as I hoped sir got amused and called him the D-man!! And asked what does D stand for. He promptly replied donkey.

“That you already are. Tell me or else Am not gonna leave you!”

“Dumb??”

“Yes! You are the Dumb-man!!”

Never before I was so happy.. Sir asked him to get his record book and I was sure sir will be canceling most of his works which means he has to do them again.. I expected him to be sad and depressed. But it seems sir remembered him showing the wire bending and so he cancelled only one sign.. Just one work!!!

I thought life was good again.. God knows how I’ll manage rest of the year with him!!!

(As I have mentioned before the Nerd neighbor is a work of fiction. But most of the other stuff is true. Sleeping in the class, frequent coffees to keep myself awake.. Getting caught for laughing and talking.. I have done blunders before also (like most of my vivas and answer sheets!!) but getting a name doing one is pretty much new to me!! Hope this is the last time am getting one! And now the staff expects us to read textbooks and write assignments. It gets hectic when we pile up everything for the last moment which I always do. Hope the year goes fine…)

Other entries in the diary are The Church Bell acanthoma and The Exams

Stranger in the bar

"They say a man's life is like a notebook. It’s filled with the big round letters of childhood with so many blanks. Slowly the blanks get filled and words are formed. Beautiful words of innocence which grows to the rapid scribbling of adulthood." – A guy with very long hair and beard

The smell of the coffee is still lingering on my fingers. The coffee I had with the famous inspirational guru in his calligraphy institute half an hour ago who said the above words... According to him I am in my scribbling phase of life and I should start enjoying the beauty of the small things around me... For starters he strongly suggested I stop my drinking habits and start a new life altogether.
Yet here I am admiring the beauty of a glass of 60ml vodka in front of me. I smiled.
“If you ordered the drink just to admire the beauty I’ll go ahead and do the honors of finishing it!” said the bald old guy sitting next to me. I never noticed him coming. I finished the drink and told in a mock sorry voice trying not to offend him that I was lost in thoughts.
“You don’t seem like someone who gets lost in thoughts.” He said.
Then we had quite a few drinks and he got into the talkative phase. He kept on saying funny things about himself and the people whom he has met in his journeys. Then suddenly he stopped and said “I was being rude talking about myself all this time. Now let’s talk about you. What you do for a living? And why were you lost in thoughts?”
I didn’t feel like hiding anything from this good hearted fellow. I told him about my problems. About the meetings I had with various gurus and other similar people who claimed to have answers but I never got one.
He was very interested when I told about the latest person whom I met a few hours ago. He started abusing them royally. Almost everyone in the place looked at us. I was taken aback by his sudden outburst but I joined him! It was so relieving to curse every one of them who took my time and money yet gave nothing in return. I was having a really good time with this stranger.
Finally he stood up, kept his arm on my shoulder and said “I had a good time with you so allow me to pay your bill and we’ll part” He was very insistent and I had to agree.
“But you haven’t told me your name.”
“Oh you know me. We have met earlier this evening. It’s just that I don’t put my hair and beard outside the institute!!!”

The Lesser known Heroes!!

Anybody knows what happened to Messi, Kaka, Dunga or Maradona??? They were the stars before the FIFA world cup started!!
Well now we all know where Paul is... He is at the Sea Life Centre in Oberhausen, Germany presumably guarded by the Spaniards!! And apparently threatened by the Argentinians!!
Actually I was wondering if he could predict other things as well.. Like for instance the cricket or my exam results!!

I think its rather unfair that all the spot light be focused on Paul alone.. I mean our dear old 'parrot tarot' thing was there since ages and who knows if given a chance they might also predict the results!!
These are some other psych animals I came across which could use some of the spotlight..

1) Harry the crocodile

Harry, an Australian crocodile predicts the winner by eating a chicken coming out of a box which is obviously marked with the flags of the countries playing and it seems Harry agrees with Paul about the final..
We'll have to wait and see if they are correct..

2) Frocky the hen

Frocky is the hen used by some famous Hollywood astrologists to help with the problems of celebrities.. The celebrity is to sit near the hen and tell her the problems. Frocky replies by laying eggs the next morning. Experienced egg-readers are then summoned and they read the inscriptions on the egg and happy celeb goes back home!! Frocky is apparently not a big football fan and hence was not available to predict the WC finals and she also said she is not into these publicity stunts to get attention.. Her clients do that all the time and she is tired of it!!

3) Mani the Parrot

That's one parrot who got the guts to stand up against Paul. May its because Mani won't go to water and Paul can't come out of water!! She is the modern day idol of the tarot parrots!! Anyway the parrot predicted Spain loosing the game... We'll know who was correct in a day..

4) Ray the stray dog

Ray is an extraordinary and rare species of dog.. Other than having psychic powers to predict the future by rhythmic tail wagging, they never age. In history the first reference to the Ray was noted in the Mayan civilization. Archeologists have found a drawing showing a dog predicting the end of the world in 2012!! Researchers are pretty sure that this particular dog is the Ray only!
Nostradamus was the next person who was fortunate enough to have a Ray...As we know he wrote an entire book on those predictions..
Later on there is no definite proof for the existence of Ray but people are pretty sure that Hitler had one which was later kidnapped by a highly trained Russian commando and then followed the obvious fall of Hitler!!
Reports suggest that the Portuguese water dog Bo in the White house is also a Ray dog and there has been rumors that Bo also thinks its gonna be Spain only this time..

And finally,
5)Nandini the cow

Nandini the famous wish granting cow in the mythology!! Her lesser known powers include the ability to predict cricket matches accurately!! Bookies who know about her keep quite and bet high and those who don't know her just looses the bet!! Stories say if you provide her with nutritious grass everyday for 121 days without a break she'll gift you with the inside info of IPL and the ways to control it!! Being an Indian she is not that into football!!!


Paul the octopus was again right about Germany winning the loser's final. But it got wrong for the UEFA finals and lets see if it gets it right this time!!
Apparently just two animals in the above list actually exist!!

Feel free to add your own list of psych animals!!! The best one will be replacing Paul for the next FIFA world cup!!!

Dairy of my Nerd Neigbour: The Exams!!

Phew!! Exams over finally!!

Now waiting for the practicals!! Theory papers were very difficult!

1st paper Medicine was so difficult I didn't get time to finish a 3 mark question and that Rohan sitting next to me was asking me like everything. How can I show him the answers (as if I want to)!!! It was a university exam and he was acting as if it was just another internal exam. He would sit straight only when the external examiner comes to us. I was seriously hoping him to sit in our hall so that fool won't turn and irritate me. He was asking so much the hall invigilator came and talked to him. I was expecting sir to change his place but sir just told him the answers!!! How absurd!!! And why is nobody telling me any answers???

Even the 2nd surgery exam was also tough! Thou I could write everything I just didn't have the satisfaction after coming out of the exam hall. Think its because I couldn't draw diagrams properly. Even today also Rohan was asking me but I just pretend that I did not hear him. Then there was a question I was not sure of and Rohan just asked it to invigilator!! Can you believe it?? Asking to the invigilator openly!! I was hoping for an angry ma'am, Very angry ma'am!! But she just told him the bloody answer!! And the saddest part is my answer was wrong and I corrected it also!!

The 3rd exam Oral Path was OK!! I could write everything except for a syndrome which I have heard of before but no clue as to what it was about.. I wanted to ask someone but what if somebody sees me?? What if they catch me and take some action against me?? When I was about to ask the person sitting back our sir came and warned against any malpractice.. It seems they caught someone using a blue tooth headphone!! I was so tensed I didn't even move till the exams got over!!

The last exam was Community Dentistry.. My seniors all used to I can write as much 'gas' in this paper! But the paper was difficult. One of the essay questions was out of syllabus!!
Shockingly Rohan was writing like anything!! Somebody told me he finished up the entire answer booklet which is about 50 pages! I could write only 42 pages.. I tried very hard to write so much but I just couldn't fill it up. That was the first time I saw someone actually filing up the entire booklet!!! I really can't think how its gonna be!!!


(As I have stated earlier The Nerd Neighbour is a fictitious character.. Nobody in my batch comes close to such behavior!! At least not very close!!!!
Fortunately people sitting around me were good enough to share the answers, in spite of the frequent visits from the 'kinda cool' external and not so cool internal examiner!! Several times we were warned but nothing more! The biggest surprise was the staff who came for invigilation.. Most of them are known to screw us!!Initially they asked us not to turn or talk, then not to shout the answers and finally they just joined the group and started telling the answers!! God bless them!!
And I did write the entire booklet for the last exam!! Its literally full of crap and if anyone reads through them they might jump out from the window!!! But on the other hand if they give just 1 mark per page appreciating my talent for filling up the paper with 'gas' I just might pass!!!
As my Nerd Neighbor, am also just waiting to finish of the practicals and go home as soon as possible!
Surgery practicals got over today and if they are putting marks on how much I made them laugh with my blunders I might just get to pass!!!
Dates not yet confirmed for the rest of the exams but am seriously bored of watching sitcoms and sleeping!! Mmm.. I wonder as to what I will be doing at home!! Other than eating I still be watching sitcoms and sleeping!!!)


You might also like Dairy of my Nerd Neighbor: The Church bell Acanthoma

Exams again!!

The yearly event to make sure you live for a month entirely on coffee and chocolates!

The yearly event to make sure you don't use pillows to sleep!

The yearly event to make sure you regret every time you bunked and went for a movie!

The yearly event where your imagination reaches new heights!!

The ultimate suspense thriller!! Exams!!

I have not been putting up any posts recently as my imagination and creativity was drained by cracking stupid PJs to the serious studious students (read girls!!)
As my university exam is supposed to be in June 3rd week, they have started preparing for the battle! These are some random thoughts about exams..

Apparently there are three attitudes seen among the exam going students.

1)"OH MY GOD!!! Hardly a month!!! What to do with that??"

2)"One month is there!! Have to plan a timetable and start from 'tomorrow'!"

3)"When is Iron Man 2 releasing??" ( Actually when is it getting released??)

The advent of exam season is marked by a sudden increase in attendance and frequent visits to library.
Or it is when I see a couple sitting separately and studying during free time!(Couples doing combined 'study' is a common sight actually!!)
During exam I always felt there is spurt of creativity in everyone. After sitting with the book for sometime you get up bored, go to the other room, start talking about something and the ideas coming are totally mind blowing!! The 'night outs' are yet another phenomenon seen during the season! Last time I did a night out I kept my laptop on thinking I'll watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S or House MD while taking breaks.. And it ended up watching books while taking a break from the laptop!!
The most depressing part in the season is that there is no one to talk to properly!! Either most of them are busy studying or all they want to talk to about is studies! Its really depressing!!
I really hope to concentrate and get through somehow!!

"Damn true: Just when we sit down to study, Everything else on earth gets so interesting!!
Even just staring at the wall!!" - Another forwarded sms..

Dairy of my Nerd neigbour: The Church bell Acanthoma

Today was a bad day!! I couldn't answer a question in the class test..
I came early to class and sat next to the topper.. Not that I wanted to copy or anything (I was studying for the last one week!!!), but just in case.. But sir made me move from that place and had to sit in the back bench.. I hate those places..
Then Rohan came. First of all he was late and above all he came and sat right behind me.. Test started. It was pretty easy.. I just didn't know one answer.. After 5 minutes I think, Rohan started poking me, he was asking for my paper!! I was too afraid to turn!! Sir will think i tried to copy from him.. (Yeah right!! As if I want to copy from him!!You really cant believe how dumb they act at times..)
I told him ( facing front only, not turning back) I'll dictate the answers.. "I just know one answer!! You'll dictate the whole answer sheet?" He asked. I sat as if I didn't hear what he said. I got up to take an extra paper, saw Rohan's paper. It was shocking! Yeah, it was almost blank.. But the only answer he wrote was the answer I didn't know! I asked him that answer.. "You bloody @!!@$!@$!@!@$... " was the reply.. I am still wondering how he knew the answer...* I think sir saw me turning back.. I simply sat there as if nothing happened.. But then sir came and went through my paper. He didn't say anything, kept it back and took Rohan's paper.. I heard an exclamation..
"What is this?? Church bell acanthoma??** Even though I listened hard I could hear only some mumbled response from Rohan. Finally sir took our papers and left.. Throughout the day I thinking of those two things.. How he knew the answer and what is church bell acanthoma.. I tried searching it in every standard foreign and Indian authors text books.. I searched online also but still I have no idea about it..
Tomorrow have to ask the class topper or I'll ask sir only..



* I had the notes with me.. Unfortunately it had only one answer!!!
** Acanthoma is a pathological condition.. Church bell is how it looked in my paper..

***The nerd neighbor is a work of fiction but 'church bell acanthoma' has been found in my paper recently!!!

Problems and Solutions!!

Problem: a state of difficulty that needs to be resolved

It can be classified into Mild, Moderate or Severe. When a number of mild problems coalesce a severe problem emerge. This is life. If you don't have any problem you probably are dead. Then again the problem arises on what is to be done with it!! (Actually its not your problem!!)
Usually I'll be having mild problems here and there. But last one week got me into so much problems.
It was the continuation of last post's problems only.. Though last weekend was one of the most eventful 3 days in my college life I couldn't enjoy myself because I was sitting inside my small cocoon of problems.. Most of which I made for myself..
Even after the Grand finale (of problems)!!! I was still inside the cocoon!!
Thinking about it now, I realized there is a specific pattern for any problem..
First of all there is a 'problem maker'(in whose eyes you are the problem maker!!!)
Then there is a 'solver'!! ( Who in fact solves a problem you never had!)
Now comes the essential components the 'lighter' and the 'fuel'!!
Obviously to burn you need fuel but how much ever fuel you have it wont burn unless you light it and that is how they work.. One fuels the problems and the other just give it a spark!! Voila!! There is FIRE!!!
The 'maker' is the one getting heated, burned and finally getting reduced to ashes!!
While the solver solves the problem of water leakage from the fire engine!! That is also a problem right??
Finally the maker's ash remains... Waiting to be collected in a jar!!!

I realized something else also..
Every problem does not have a solution!! The problem is solved when people get bored of it or get a new problem.
For every problem that has a solution there will be at least 3 people convinced that its not a solution and would go to any extent to find a solution..
In every problem there will at least a person sharing your opinion but most of the times you wont know it..
Finally there is nothing like a friend noticing that you have a problem and asking whats the matter when you badly need someone to tell your side of the story!!!

Thankfully with few such friends those problems subsided!!!
Waiting for more to come!!

The Divine Answer and Fight Club!!

When some things happen in your life, have you ever wondered if that's how you get answers to your questions... Questions you ask yourself...

For the last two weeks every single time i ask myself what more can go wrong something worst happens..
When i finally thought nothing worse can happen, again something went wrong... Then I started believing.. It is The Answer!!! You ask a question to the Universe and it answers
All these are in reference to the upcoming intra college student cultural event Renaissance 2010 and our ongoing exams!!! I wanted to concentrate on both but I am not!!
Out of the frustration yesterday night instead of studying I ended up watching 'Fight Club' the 1999 Eng movie!!! Awesome!! It gave me so much hopes!! Wish i actually had the multiple personality disorder at times... Every time I go to sleep, I wake up as different person who finishes off every work I had to do... So when the real me wakes up everything is done! How cool is that!
Sadly I am not suffering from multiple personality disorder neither do I have a cool alter ego when I sleep like Brad Pitt... All I have is just a sleeping personality who likes to sleep a lot!!!

Will update soon on Renaissance 2010!!

an Easy Escape and HS!!!

Once in every 2 or 3 months I go on an 11hr train journey to my home.. Consider the following situations you might encounter in a train journey.. When you are alone and hoping for a peaceful journey…

Situation #1

You are in a train. Its an overnight journey.. And your co-passenger really likes to talk!!(And it’s not a cute girl!! Mind it!! Not even a girl!!) But you are not at all interested in sharing his views on the Iraq invasion and the ‘latest tower’ in Dubai!! Apparently he thinks it’s a watch tower built by the Americans to watch over the Middle East!!! I’d rather listen to him telling about his grand uncle who had a killed 3 tigers, 1 elephant, 8 wild boars and countless rats when he open fired in the jungle!! Unfortunately he died of rabies because he told everyone that was a lion bite!!!( sorry!! That was the other guy..!) Well that’s also not very interesting as I usually kill tigers by cracking PJs…!!

Situation #2

Actually this guy is better than the next guy who insists on knowing everything from the place of your birth to the place you are planning to die!! After which he proceeds to enquire about your father, mother and every relative alive or dead… And the worst part is that he supposedly knows at least 3 of them also… Many a times I wish I could tell him “dude I am not sure about mine but yours is gonna be this train!!!”

Situation #3

Now imagine you are sitting next to a cute girl who is reading a book you haven’t even heard off… Still wanting to impress her you start off by telling how good the book is and how you liked his previous books also… Apparently it turns out to be the author’s first book!!

Situation #4

Three doctors working together in the same hospital going to the same place without their wives..!!! That is a literal torture!! Please don’t be under the impression that the talk is of the medical mysteries they solved.. Its plain bitching about the fellow doctors!! How under-trained they are and how superior they are… And they do try to show off how cool they are by taking out their over priced ‘smart’ phones and trying to do stuff with it which even a 5^th standard kid can do.. Then the essential comparison follows.. “My phone has a horn!!” “Mine has a head and a tail!!” Apparently what they actually know is just to make calls and text…! What else is a phone for??!!!

God save their patients!!!

Situations where you just want to vanish!!! Well there is an easy way!! Get yourself a descent phone with HEADPHONES or a music player with HEADPHONES!!!!

Plug it in and go to your happy place!!!

HS and HA

Has anybody heard of a syndrome called HS (House Syndrome)??? Which results from HA(House Addiction) If not I am planning to be the 1^st patient suffering from these rare syndromes!!!! As I am addicted to House MD I started to feel that I am suffering from serious illness which I can’t figure out because I am not House and I am not a post graduate in Medicine ( an UG in dentistry) and most importantly the small sensible part of me is telling there is nothing wrong with me.. I was told that this is just another side effect of the House addiction disease and will soon wear off as it gets over.. But seriously how can I relax when I feel something is not correct..

Not only that, I am now trying to find out things about people just by ‘observing’ them… Sincerely hope none of my cute ‘subjects’ would notice me observing them!!!! :D

(p.s those who are unaware of the series House MD please refer to the previous post or just Google it!!!)

New year New resolutions!!

Belated New Year wishes!!!
Hope all have made Resolutions… Resolutions are meant to broken so mine is not to make resolutions!!! But that would actually require me to make resolutions!!! Not fair!!
So here goes… My resolutions for 2010!!!

Reso#1: Finish House MD as fast as possible
For those who are unaware of it, it’s a series about a doc Dr. Gregory House.. In simple words it’s about him finding out the diseases which no one else can figure out!! His sarcasm, character, unconventional diagnostic methods used and the rare diseases are the chief attractions plus his relationship with other characters which tends to change randomly.. Other than this it’s predictable as any typical bollywood movie!! First something happens to someone.. They reach Dr.House.. Nobody has a clue in the first 30 min then suddenly while doing something else or by doing something out of the way he finds out what it is!! Known to cause addiction and I am just reached season 2 out of 6 seasons… Haven’t seen any other movie after I started this.. So I just want to finish it!! So many works are pending…
For more information just Google him!! (Apparently I did!!.!)
Which leads me to my second resolution…
Reso#2: Reduce Googling
Google has answers to most of our questions… Except when the questions get a bit personal!! If the internet is a huge heap of data, Google is the torch not just a regular torch but a torch which shows where to look also!! I know the metaphor is useless because if you are reading this you should have used Google at least 10 times… Its having a monopoly in the Internet…. Apparently there is a condition called Discomfogooglomania in which a person feels frustration, anger , depression and uncontrolled rage when he is unable to Google.. He feel lack of confidence unless he googles what he is looking for..
(Don’t bother searching it.. Google has made sure it won’t come up in its search)
If any of you have these symptoms do consult a psychiatrist at the earliest to prevent further complications!!!
As the old saying goes ‘Prevention is better than cure’…. Reduce the use of Google..
I don’t have any alternatives to tap the potential of the internet but I’ll put it up here as soon as I find it in Google!!!
Reso#3 Watch good movies
This year I plan to watch a whole lot of good movies.. Movies which got critical acclaims, which has won Awards, which are in the top 250 movies in IMDB instead of the action/comedy movies I am currently obsessed with!! Suggestions are welcome!!
( not for the good movies I can get that in IMDB!!)
Reso#4: Study Online/ study with a laptop
Finally a resolution Am sure of keeping!!!( Don’t get me wrong; not the studying part.!)
For the past three years I had a consistent resolution to reduce my computer usage but it just kept on increasing… So this year I am going with the trend and keeping a resolution to actually increase my usage to ‘study’!!! Am sure most of the textbooks are available in Google books!!!! For free!!! ( Another example of the monopoly I was talking about.!!)
But when you have gigabytes of movies and music I am not very confident if I would use the few megabytes of class notes I am having..!!
Reso#5 Daily exercise
Daily exercise including jogging in the evening and gym visits regularly!!!
But mostly its gonna be hogging instead of jogging and running to the class will be the maximum exercise!!!



I can think of only these many now…. Do put up your resolutions here!!!! And any suggestions you might have about mine!! It’ll be given serious thoughts next year!!!

(Apparently am totally addicted to House MD so mostly wont be active for a week or even longer!!..!)

Proud to be a Mallu!!!

This is one of the best mallu mails I have recieved!!!


Beating the employment 'trap; enjoy it…

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room.
One candidate is our Kutty.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming.
Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people left the room.

Kutty says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more
than 100 people may leave.

2000 people left the room.

Kutty says to himself

'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.


Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people left the room.

Kutty says to himself,
'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat
to leave.

498 people left the room.

Kutty says to himself,
'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you two have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kutty turns to the other candidate and asked
'Naattil Eviddeya?'

The other candidate answers…'Thrissur'

RDMC at work!!!

For the past one week my campus is in a ghost fever!! Apparently a ghost has been spotted in the campus by the night guards..! This is how it happened…

Initially it was ‘something unusual’ and they complained but as the story progressed it became a lady (obviously white saree long hair and all the usual stuff).. Then later a fat old man with a hood was also seen with her.. To make things more terrifying the guard heard footsteps but her legs were absent.. Scary isn’t it??

But one thing is that they were ‘seen’ ‘walking’ towards the girls’ hostel..!!! This was going on for days, the problem started when a sincere security tried to stop him/her/both because unless you are a student you need a pass to go to hostel!!!..

His hand got paralyzed and fell down unconscious!!! She/He/Both wont take no for answer especially when there is no question asked!!!

Then they put up this flood light.. Nothing was reported after that!! May be she/he/both couldn’t manage the publicity she/he/ both was getting as people got excited at the paranormal activity supposed to be going on in the otherwise dead campus!! Or may be ghosts suffer from photophobia!!!…

From a single lady it went to a lady and a fat person with a hood and a walking stick..

Then this place where it is the college now was used for dumping murdered people!!

There is a construction work in the campus which is not completed due to unknown reasons ( now we know the reason!! GHOST!!!)

Two cleaning ladies had died in the nearby woods some years back! (To this day nobody knows how!!)

This is the second time something if this sort happening in the last 6 years!!

Based on all these bits of information rumours have been postulated by the RDMC( Rumour Development and Maintenance Committee) on the Ghosts in Campus!!!

Hypo # 1: The girl had an undying desire to become a doctor!!! But her parents opposed.. She walked out of her home… Poor girl didn’t know how bad the world was… Next day her body was found at the exact spot where the ghost is spotted now…!!Her legs were cut at the ankles when they found the body.. It was said that she haunted all her murderers and they died by bleeding from a wound on their ankles!!! Since the place became a medical college how can she go anywhere else?? !!! (The fat man is unaccounted in this hypo!!.!)

Hypo #2: This is a simple one!! Girl wanted to be a doctor.. Parents opposed!! She committed suicide.. Father went into depression.. He also committed suicide!! Now she has come to study and her father following her!! (but why this college???!!)

Hypo #3: Girl loves a guy.. But he was cheating on her and was after another girl.. The 2^nd girl was studying here and staying in the hostel!!! 1st girl found about this and killed herself!! But actually the 2^nd girl was cheating the cheater!! Apparently when the cheater came to know that he was being cheated he became mad and was admitted in a mental hospital… He wished the 1^st girl would come back… Due to the pull of his deep psycho-emotions her soul came back and she haunted the girl who cheated on the guy who cheated on her as her true love didn’t allow her to haunt the cheater!!

And the fat guy was the cheater’s cellmate who died.. Being good friends he followed the girl to protect her from emotionless stone hearted guards!!!(phew!! but the legs??)

Hypo #4: The cadavers in the anatomy lab are bored!! Is it a crime if they sneak out once in a while???!!

Hypo#5: The girls who had gone to the pub forgot to take invisibility cloak!!! Left it at the pub…!!( but they could have flown in with the flying car!!)

RDMC is working on the loopholes and will come out with a better version soon!!! So keep reading!! :)