Saturday, December 31, 2011


2011 the year that went by, was a good one for me.
Academically passing the final year (The Inner Peace) was the best of all!
In the blogosphere I was honored twice by Blogadda by choosing my Murders at the hospital and The Patient I'll never forget for their Tangy Tuesday and Spicy Saturday picks..
I got to travel a lot and meet up with new people and got to know the old ones better! Some of them I just met once and became friends forever! Never imagined such things would happen..
I started this post to put down all the good memories of 2011 and now I realized its just too much and I might miss out some! ( And definitely not because I am called for dinner!!)
The bad and sad memories I choose to forget because as life goes by we don't usually keep track of the bad events that happened. Its always the 'good old days'! So 2011 was great for all of you as well! Never keep any regrets coz the past ain't coming back!! (Unless I invent a time machine! Yes I am going to continue my PJs to 2012 also!)

Have a great 2012!!!

Friday, December 2, 2011

The patient I'll never forget

Nabeesa, a 35 year old lady walked into the department of Prosthodontics with the intention getting a full set teeth before her daughter's marriage which is to be held after 20 days. As a final year student posted in that department I was allotted the case.
Prosthodontics posting was my final posting and we have to finish one complete denture (CD the full set teeth) and two removable partial dentures (RPDs for those who don't know, they are replacement of missing teeth which can be taken out by the patient only.) We are supposed to do the RPDs in third year but I didn't get any case neither was I very keen on taking cases in third year.
With a friend's help I did manage to get one RPD case and another I got from the department only. But the CD case was a problem. It was not easy to get such patients from outside and these patients have to come at least 6 times for different steps. And in most of our cases they have to come more than that as it is very difficult to get it right the first time. And in any stage if the patient decides not to come back we are screwed! Without the completion of work no chance of writing the exam. So it was with all these fears in my mind I took the case file from the staff.

The first question Nabeesa asked was whether I can finish the work in 20 days. Never before it was done. Finishing a CD in 20 days and I said I'll try my best without thinking twice. She must have taken it as a yes. Anyways I decided to give it my best shot. Everything seemed to be in my favor initially. Patient needs it more than me and she from nearby only so transportation won't be an issue. So with full josh I started the case determined to give the dentures within 15 days.

As days passed by I realized it was a futile dream. The making of complete denture has different steps and as I said before it is difficult to it right in the first attempt. I did not get it right in the first or second or even in the fifth attempt. It was so frustrating and not once did the patient or her son loose their patience with me.
After around ten days it I was convinced it was beyond my abilities to finish the work in 20 days, to give the denture in time for her daughter's marriage.
The next time she came with her son, I went and told him my helplessness. With him I went and told her about the situation. I never understood what went through her mind then. All she said was ok. I was relieved at first but a sense of failure took hold of me later on. After some days her husband also came and asked if there is anyway I could do it. I already did everything possible. She was willing to come on the previous day of the marriage. And in spite of everything her son invited me for the marriage also. I really didn't how to react to that. I lost my interest to do the work only after that. It was my father who then made me realize not everything is in our control and many a times you won't be able to keep your promises. The earlier I learn the better.

It took me another 20 more days to complete it and give the finished dentures to her. Even after the marriage not once she missed the appointment and never complained about the time I took.
I was done with my quotas and was able to write the exam. For our university practical exam we have to do one step in the making of the dentures and we need to bring our own patient. I asked her if she can come for two days as a friend of mine also needed to get a patient. She was totally willing.
In between during my study holidays she came with her son for some treatment and she called me. She was having some sort of ulcer in her mouth and wanted to me to take a look. I was wearing casuals and so under no circumstances could enter the department. I told her I can arrange some one else to look but she doesn't want anyone else to check but me. The feeling I had at that very moment was beyond words. A patient was insisting on seeing me only! Finally I gave some medicines and sent her as I couldn't do anything else.

Theory exams got over. Practicals exams were conducted in two days. I was having it on the second day and my friend had it on the first day. Nabeesa came right on time as always. Exam went smoothly and finally when my friend tried to give her some money for the traveling expense she refused. (This is when many other patients were demanding money. Some even refused to open their mouth before getting some money.)
Second day morning; day of my final year practical exam. She called in the morning and told me about the demise of her father. I was at loss for words as like the previous times. All I could manage was 'Ok so you cant come?'
It was university exam and Prosthodontics is one department where you can't find a suitable patient on the day of exam. Previous preparations are needed.
Her answer literally gave me a shock. She called not to tell she won't come but to ask if its possible to go early.
She came on time and with the help of the staff I could let her go early. I went to auto stand with her and made sure she did not loose any more time. I called an auto, paid and stood there till she left. That was the least I could do.
I cleared the exam and became an intern. I am truly indebted to Nabeesa for my prosthodontics paper. She was indeed an angel and Am sure she is doing good.
After that I called her husband once or twice, promised him I'll visit their home soon but never did and I lost contact with them.
After all life is nothing but a bunch of empty promises and unpaid debts.. But she is the patient I will never forget. My gratitude won't be complete even if I write an epic for her.
Thank you for proving that the world is not a very bad place and miracles do happen.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

An Introvert, Am I?

I have always wondered if I am an introvert or not. I was never really bothered about being lonely or alone. I prefer going places on my own. (Well in that way nobody will come to know the blunders which I usually do.) I can sit in a busy train without talking to anyone for 11 hours straight and I have done that more than once. I don't mind going for movies alone and that many of friends can't digest that because they apparently can't just think of something like that happening.

I prefer talking photos rather than posing for one. Even though I can talk to a person for hours, I am never comfortable in a group of people whom I barely know. (There is an exception to this, just one) I am that kind of a person who doesn't just go with the group and likes to do things the way it fits me or my logic, which needless to say has made many problems with my friends. For me enjoyment is letting people do what they want to do rather being tied up in a group.

Many a times I have been referred to as anti-social but the truth is if Am comfortable with a particular group of people, then the situation is totally different, I'll go around pulling legs, irritating and taunting everyone probably making them wish I was an introvert. So coming back to the original question, Am I an introvert or not? I don't know the answer but I saw this article in Google plus and I could relate to many points in it.. Especially the last sentence!!

(Another interesting angle is such an awesome article first came in G+ and not in Fb!!)

Some Myths about Introverts. Super Interesting ! and Super True !

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert,
just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

So what you think??

Monday, November 21, 2011

The two years

When I started this blog I seriously had no idea where it was heading and what Am I gonna put up and after 2 years of blogging I still don't know the answers. . I can safely say this blog has truly happened as a matter of chance.
Writing has always been a passion for me. I enjoy writing and ironically I have the worst handwriting possible. (Which has been made fun of umpteen number of times from my 4th standard malayalam teacher to the college staff, without fail almost everyone who has seen it..Well that is not what this post is about.)
So back to blogging.. I started this thinking it would be the next best thing after facebook (I know, too much exaggeration!! )
Later on i realized it is not gonna happen. (I still don't know why.. Come on I was more qualified than Mark Z when he started fb.. )
Anyways Am happy where I am right now. I got a bunch of readers, who may not always leave a comment but would give the feedback directly.
I don't know how many of you remember the offer I gave for the 1st anniversary ( Free Ice creams!) this time its gonna be even better!
There are two offers.
Offer no 1: 'Like' or '+' as much posts in the blog and person who does the maximum likes can redeem them in KFC! You should see for the sign saying "As a Matter of Chance offer valid". If you find the sign then go ahead and place the order. Once you get it ask for the 'gifts for Likes'
100 likes : beautiful aroma of the fried chicken
200 likes : one tissue paper extra
250 likes : one sachet ketchup
500 likes : one sachet ketchup and a tissue paper extra
(And this time I am not asking you bring any proof or anything because of the simple reason that I trust you guys!)
More than 500 likes : You are lying, there is no way you can put more than 500 likes!!!!

Offer no 2: Its very simple. Just find me and ask me for a coffee! And I shall be giving it!

Best of luck!
Keep reading!! :) :)

Monday, November 7, 2011

A full cup of coffee

(This is a continuation from 'A half cup of coffee' )

“One more cup please.”

She was standing next to me and I didn’t even see her! And she likes coffee as well. Sarah always surprises me.

“Hey! I didn’t know you liked coffee.”

“I don’t love it but I don’t hate it also. Thing is I am very sleepy right now and I really don’t want to sleep in the next class.. I have heard you drink a lot of coffee.”

She heard about me? Or was she asking about me? I felt any talk in that line would make me look very desperate and stupid. So I did not go with that but I felt really happy that the girl of my dreams has actually heard about me.

“Yeah, some people might even call me an addict. But it’s not that bad, it’s very well under control.”

“That’s good. Too much of anything is not very good.”

That is when I hit the block. I couldn’t think of anything to say to keep the conversation going. And this is like one of those rare moments when she is alone and not with her group of friends.

“So you like this coffee?” Even though I felt it was a stupid thing to ask I just did it.

“Not much. But what choice do I have?”

“Well you can always go to the coffee shop opposite to the college. They serve good coffees.”

“Never knew about that. Actually I haven’t been there many times. May be you can take me there today, after class. What say?”

That was the best moment in my life!! Even though I tried my best to keep it cool there was some amount of excitement when I said yes to her. Just want to classes to get over now! May be I’ll tell her my feelings for her. May be she already knew about and giving me a window to open up. Who knows! I should have asked her out long time back. What a fool I was.

What are they talking for this long? I thought she never drank coffee.And he seems very happy. I wonder if something happened, anyways got to go for the class. They seem least bothered about time.


“Before you even start tell me how many coffees you had today? Your breath stinks of coffee only! How many times I have to tell you not to drink so much coffee! You’ll drown in that!”

“Listen it is not about coffee! Well it’s actually about coffee only. Sarah had coffee with me today. Just before the class started!”


I tried making it look like a genuine surprise. Any other time he would’ve found out I was bluffing but he is in hype.

“Yes and the best part is that I am taking her to the coffee day outside the college. In fact she only suggested I take her there when I said they have better coffee. I think she likes me. Can you believe it? I feel like a fool not asking her out before.”

Of course she likes him. In fact she is head over heels about him for the last one year. Every girl in the hostel knows and thankfully no one outside. And his crush for her only I knew. I could have brought the love birds together. But I never did. Now fate only took the first step..

“What are you thinking so much?”

Then only I realized he was sitting in front of me and I was day dreaming as usual.

“It is great news! So what are you planning to do?”

“Should I do something? May be I’ll get her some flowers.”

“It’s a bit too early for that. Just go there and be yourself and don’t do anything stupid! And don’t try to impress her with your knowledge about coffee. Just because she agreed to have a coffee with you doesn’t means she wants to hear the history of coffee.”

“But if she asks then I can tell right?”

“For God’s sake coffee is not the only drink in the world! How many times I have to tell you? Now go to your seat and think about what not to tell her. Sir will come now.”

As he left I felt a prick in my heart. The fear of losing him filled my heart, which was immediately replaced by the regret of not telling him my actual feelings. If I had told him earlier he might have said yes also. After all he only has said nobody understands him like me. But somehow he never understood me.

(As the class progressed she was silently wiping the drops of tears before anyone could see it, he was thinking about what to tell her and Sarah was reading about coffee in Wikipedia on her phone.)

Continued in The Empty Cup of Coffee

Friday, August 26, 2011

Murders at the hospital

A Lacron’s carver is commonly used by a dental student. They use it for carving wax mostly. It has a sharp end and a curved end. Some use the curved end for picking ears. But I have an entirely different use for a Lacron’s carver. I use it for killing people.

Amberville was not always like this. There was a time when no dark alleys existed. Every street was considered safe for women and children. But the great depression changed everything. It bought out the wild side of the men. Plundering and looting continued for months. Every honest man had to take weapons just to survive in the wilderness Amberville had become. Even women and children were not spared. They were raped and kidnapped. Soon, the good men fled the city. What started as random fights and looting slowly began to get organized. Those who had the power and means to take control took over the reins of the city and divided it among themselves. Police and judiciary were made mockery of. Greed, lust and violence gripped the city. Even on the sunniest day, the city looked dull and depressing.

I had left the city before the depression for my studies. The place I came back to wasn’t my home… it was hell. Anti social elements infiltrated the society. Brothels become the safer places for women. Many of my childhood friends were already dead. Others have chosen the path of violence. My childhood sweetheart was added to the unsolved murders in the city. I had nowhere else to go. I was on the verge of insanity when I got the job at the General Hospital. It was one the few places left as it is by the mob.

I had a steady flow of patients in the dental extension of the hospital now. Broken teeth were the most common problem which wasn’t surprising. It may be due to fights or sometimes innocent people getting hit by the petty thieves. People who disagreed with the big shot gangsters usually returned in a coffin.

A Saturday morning.

I got a call from the hospital asking me to go to room 66 immediately. Sensing the urgency of the caller I rushed. I reached there and saw a big burly man with two broken arms, a broken rib cage and many broken teeth. I needn’t guess why I was called. Nobody explained what happened either, that was left to imagination. That was how it was in the city. Nobody talked. But the rumors went around saying he was indeed the Bear himself. No one knew his real name. He had a violent history. He never took orders from anyone other than his boss Theodore. With the help of the Bear, he controlled the Westside area. I was furious when he came back to his room. Why did I have to treat him? I asked the walls and chairs of his room as there was no one else. I thought about the Bear. He had more resemblance to an animal than to a human. May be that’s why they call him the Bear. Watching the news didn’t help at all. Bear was apparently beaten up by a rival gang while he was putting his long knife into a 5 year old just to teach his father a lesson. The rival gang came and gave him a nice beating and left. They were not bothered about the kid. Why would they bother about somebody’s boy? Bear managed to pull out his cell phone and call for help. But the kid bled to death. In the heavy rain nobody noticed the red tinge of the puddles formed.

I started off with scotch to calm my nerves. After thinking again and again I finally decided to do something that could calm my nerves for a longer time. I took a Lacron’s carver and an anesthetic gel and stepped out into the heavy rain. After 10 minutes here I am outside the hospital. The hospital in the rain gave a ghostly appearance. The orange light from the sodium vapor lamp added on to this. I walked towards the rear entrance where I wouldn’t be seen entering the hospital. Surprisingly there were no body guards outside Bear’s room.

I entered the room slowly. Nothing but a thin outline could have been seen from the room. I closed the door and moved towards the bed without making a sound. In the dim light from the bathroom I looked around and found none. I heard something from the windows. Must be some sound from outside. A rat or something I guess.I checked the patient file to find that the Bear was sedated. He was sleeping like a baby. I took out the anesthetic gel and applied slowly on the Bear’s neck. He shouldn’t feel the pain. It might wake him up.My hands were shaking a bit. After applying I waited for almost 5 minutes for the gel take action. Each minute felt like an hour. The carotid pulse was felt. I imagined a beating snake under my fingers and in a sudden fluid motion I sliced both the carotid arteries with the carver. Blood spurted out. I have never seen blood flowing like that before. It made me nauseous and I took five minutes to realize the importance of the time. I covered the Bear with the blanket till the neck, cleaned my hands and the carver and walked out closing the door behind me.

As he left in a hurry he had failed to see the blue eyes observing him behind the curtain. He stood there behind the curtain well hidden from the dim light in the room. He stayed there for some more time before going to the bed. He got the familiar aroma of blood as he approached. It has always excited him. Perhaps that is why he chose to be a professional assassin.

I was badly in need of another drink. I hurried back home. On the way was the church, the church of Saint George. It was already Sunday. The big statue of the saint on a white horse slaying a dragon was there in front of the church. It wasn’t raining anymore. There was light inside. The priest must be getting ready for the morning service. The church was as old as the city itself and it used to attract large numbers. But now hardly a few went to the church. Istood there for a moment before deciding what to do. I walked inside and saw the priest.

“Father I need to confess!”

“At this hour? There is confession session every Friday afternoon. Why didn’t you come then?”

“I have done a sin and seek the forgiveness of the Lord. Surely you can’t say no to that.” “No I cannot say no to that. Come.” The priest sighed.

The Father sat and I knelt in front of the confessional.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned………….. “

After I was done he started advising me “Son, your path is wrong. It will lead to self destruction and you will end up in the eternal fires of the hell. No bad deed is justified in front of God. Repent your actions and say ‘Hail Mary’ 5 times and offer it to cleanse your soul.”

As the priest was saying the necessary prayers I walked out. I again looked at the statue of St.George. At that moment it was pride that filled my heart and was not repenting a bit about what I did.He killed a dragon and I, a bear. Both for the same reasons.

I reached home, finished the bottle of scotch and slept the whole day. Seems I missed a lot on the channels about the murder but the newspapers carried different vivid and colourful stories about the murdered gangster the next day morning. Media and the people suspected rival gangs but police did not comment anything. They were actually relieved to see the bear dead on a bed soaked with his own blood. The men who knew the truth chose silence.

John became an assassin to survive. He had understood that in Amberville you have to lay down your righteousness and morality if you want to live. He excelled at his job and that was why the Westside Mafia collectively hired John for finishing of what they started. Finish the Bear. Even though he did not do the job himself he still collected the fee and started inquiring about the mysterious visitor who made his job easier. John was also the main mediator among the gangs. He occasionally engaged and sometimes killed rogue members of the mafia to ensure the balance of the city. Nobody questioned the man with the blue eyes. Bear was one among them. John was well informed about the mafia and it was not difficult for him to find out about David.

Two weeks passed since that day I took law into my hands. It was a dull day as any other day when Sarah walked into my clinic with a broken filling. She was beautiful. What started as a normal doctor patient chit chat went beyond that by the time she was leaving. I guess she found me different from the other men of the city. I loved her eyes. I felt compassion and warmth in those eyes. Had never seen any of those after coming to the city. Sarah was not from here. She told me she was a journalist who came to do a feature on the city and its downfall. She was not very happy with this assignment as any wrong move could take her life. I met her again for dinner. I supported her work and gave her courage to go ahead. We started seeing each other regularly. Sarah would tell me the details she found out about the mafia and I would tell tales about my patients.Highly unethical but never the less entertaining. I enjoyed her company. It took me back to my college days. Days have become brighter.

With the same modus operandi only I eliminated two more men. This threw of the balance in the city. Nobody was sure who was killing who. I never knew about this pressure building up in the underworld. I was happy to be with Sarah. I confessed after each killing but never did what the priest asked me to do. Thank god for them. They keep the confessions secret.

Almost a month after we started seeing each other one day I found Sarah on the verge of tears. She was scared like a small rabbit trying to run from a wolf. I took her to his apartments and made her a strong coffee. It was only after half an hour or so Sarah told him what happened. She was at Jimmy’s bar, a place where these scumbags hang out. So while she was there looking for sources for her report she met this guy. He said he was the half brother of the bear who was killed more than a month ago. His name was Samuel. He was willing to do or say anything to get some information about the killer. Sarah acted as if she knew something to get some information and Samuel gave her a lot of real dirty info about the whole mafia setup. With the two new killings Samuel got very curious as to what sort of information Sarah had. When Sarah didn’t give a proper answer he put the word out that she knew something of these hospital murders. And now this guy called Smith wanted to talk to her. Smith was the agent for one of gangs. She was to go to the 5th Avenue crossroad at 10 in the night and walk east. If she did not come or go to police she would be killed. Simply put. I badly wanted to tell her about the murders. I have never talked to her about them,even though I was tempted many a times. She doesn’t seem to know anything more than what the press or people know. But I kept his desires away and said I can go with her.

“He said I should go alone.”

“Then I’ll keep a distance. I have a revolver given to me by the police after the hospital killings. I can take that also. And no I won’t use. It is just for a safety.” But I already made other plans.

I was thinking I could use a change of style. Whoever this Smith guy was, the city would be a better place without him. I know the location would be isolated in the night. Only drunkards and drug addicts would go there.

Sarah was punctual. She was at the 5th Avenue crossroad and started walking east. It was raining heavily. I am sure I won’t be noticed. As Sarah started walking I followed matching her pace. Suddenly out of the shadows a man emerged and started walking with Sarah. I couldn’t hear what they were talking. The rain somehow reminded me of the night he killed the bear. I felt that familiar chill up his spine. As they were walking the man suddenly pushed Sarah to one side and his went into his pocket. I jumped forward taking out my gun. I saw the flash of a metal in the man’s hand and heard a click. A suppressed shot.My first thought was about Sarah and its paining. But not in the heart. It was below, from my abdomen where the bullet pierced me. I dropped the gun and fell down face to the ground. When I turned I saw the cold eyes of Sarah. There was no warmth or compassion in them. Then the man with blue eyes said “You have caused more damage than good, my friend. Your time has come.” And they left.

As I was lying there getting soaked in the rain with the blood giving a red tinge to the puddles I thought about the priest. I started saying “ Hail mary. Full of grace. The Lord is with thee…..”

Nobody came to help him and neither did he finish the prayer.

(I got inspired from a story series by a fellow blogger who was good enough to help me with the editing also. Thank you Roshan Radhakrishnan. Amberville is a city created by him in his blog and you can more stories at the Godyears. Other stories in the series are Amberville, The Confession, Payback and Guardian Angel )

Inner Peace

Exactly four years and 24 days after I joined for Bachelor of Dental Surgery my final year results came. And I passed. Am a doctor now. (Technically I have to finish I year internship also before they actually let me pull out someone’s tooth.)

I was totally convinced that it would not come that day but a close friend of mine had an opposing view. She had a gut feeling apparently that it would come on the 24th of August. I had a rational reasons as to why it won’t come. The site was very fast in opening and was real smooth when I refreshed it again and again. Normally when they upload the results the site would be slow and stuck. The previous day it was so and I was almost sure the results would come. Again my friend had the opposing view. Even though I was convinced it would not come I still kept on refreshing the site and just like that without any slowing down it just appeared. Final year BDS results. The feeling I had that very moment is beyond words. It was something like a mix of tension, hope, fear and all.. Again words fail me. I entered my register number with shaky hands ( I don’t think my hands were shaking but just for the dramatic effect lets say they were shaking). I clicked ‘submit’. Thinking back now I should have probably waited a bit and cherished that moment. But in a matter of seconds my results came. I passed for all the seven papers. I felt happy and content. I’d like to think at that very moment I found my inner peace. ( yes I have watched kung fu panda at least 10 times!)

Though I always dreamed of that moment i didn’t know what to do. I did not feel like screaming even though I wanted to. I wanted to shout to my mother. But I just sat there looking at the result. I could tell my mother but she’ll be in the kitchen. (Ever since I came back she is always busy in the kitchen. Food seems to get over fast.) Finally I got up went to the stairs and I found mom looking at me from down the stairs expectantly and asking if anything has come. Mothers have a sixth sense for sensing these things. You talk to some random girl in your class for hours they don’t have a problem but the moment someone special calls they’ll all over you asking a thousand questions! Anyways I said yeah I passed. As every other she was not convinced and came all the way up to see the results for herself. Then she congratulated me. Another Kodak moment it was! Then I started messaging my friends. Called up the near and dear starting from my father who was my inspiration in fact. Then the people whom I would call as my friends. They had to put up with my entire psychotic and neurotic episodes during the study leave. And they should take me a bit more seriously. I called this friend who was convinced the results would come that day and told her she passed. She also was not convinced and thought I was joking; I then had to read out her marks just to convince her. She then screamed on the phone! The next day we were talking and she pointed out that such happy news shouldn’t be told in a grave voice, I should have screamed it onto the phone it seems.

Even to me its still a mystery as to why I did not jump and scream at that moment. I always wanted to. I always thought of doing so. May be I did find my inner peace.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

A half cup of coffee

I am standing there looking at the half full cup of coffee in my hand. I shouldn’t finish it off soon then she’ll think I was waiting here for her. I don’t want her to think like that. At least till I tell her about my feelings, which might be today, tomorrow or never. Who knows...

He is still outside the coffee shop?? How much time will he take to finish a coffee?? Have to meet him today and talk to him. He has always been a good friend but of all the people I don’t think he has expected me to have feelings for him. Even I didn’t expect me to have them!!

Finally Sarah is heading this way! Why does she have to walk in a group?? If it wasn’t for that group I would have told her long time back. Should I text her again? But that’ll seem desperate, which I am...

If only I can manage to get out of this group and talk to him alone. Even though he said he’ll be there for some more time I doubt. He has been standing there for quite some time now.

“Sarah!! Hey! How are you doing??”
“Guess what! I am going for a party tonight!”
“Really that’s awesome! So what plans till then?”
“I have to head back to home and get ready! You know right how much time girls need to get ready.”
“Oh yes! So going back home huh??”
“Yup!! Anyways see you later! Bye..”

Why is he leaving?? Why can’t he stay till I am done here? Anyone might think he was waiting for Sarah. They talked for hardly a minute and now she is gone. He is also slowly walking away. Bad luck I guess!

I stood there looking at the half empty cup of coffee in my hand. It was cold. I threw it and walked away.

(Continued in The full cup of Coffee)
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